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how to tone down a strong personality

Who are the big players? 1. So you ask him about it. You would rather focus on what you can do and how you can overcome obstacles to do more. So the strong personality presses even harder, and the rest of the world withdraws in silence even more. Other people frustrate you. You can download your copy of my free report Sleep Under Stress: 19 ways to Get to Sleep and Wake up Rested at http://www.sharonmelnick.com/sleep, When the Abominable Abstinence Witch casts a dry “spell” on you, getting back on the saddle can feel like…. You get to the answer much quicker than other people. When you wing it, you make more errors than you think. Related: 3 Ways to Boost Your 'Executive Presence' While Pitching for Funding. Don’t question yourself for not making excuses. Shift from “doing tasks” to “doing people” They may not even be right most of the time. And trust me on this, you’ll be the only one in their life who does. Related: 5 Ways to Work With Extroverted Employees. A lot of lesser of leaders would have given up already. As this sales manager’s boss, you know you can go directly to that sales rep, but you don’t want this leader to think that you’re conspiring behind his back. Challenge yourself to take conversations to a deeper level. 5 Ways to Work With Extroverted Employees, 3 Ways to Boost Your 'Executive Presence' While Pitching for Funding, Why Every Entrepreneur Should Unleash Their Inner Artist, Entrepreneur Voices on the Science of Success, Is Your Personality Permanent? New Research Says 'No.'. You’ve probably been given feedback about it. Extroverts wear the phrase “winging it” like a badge of honor. What you have to do is truly listen, being fully present in the moment (no faking it) and rephrase what they’re saying until they exclaim, strongly of course, “Yes, that’s it!”. Our website uses cookies to make your browsing experience better. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I would never do anything to undermine your leadership with anyone on your team. That’s the dilemma facing leaders dealing with a strong personality on their team. And how do I stay calm instead of reacting to them?”, Here are two strategies to get you started…. Introverts are known for enjoying a long one-on-one discussion about the bigger issues in life. In every communication there are two levels: the level of the “Content”... 2. ), Do you ever wish you knew: “how do I make other people accountable and WANT to do better work? (I know you: I’m not asking you to do this to be “nice”! Narcissists often bring down the people they’re surrounded by Let them think about it and come back to it later in the conversation or at another time. Persuasiveness Coach & Speaker and founder of Observe Connect Influence. You get controlling. So listen and show that you’re listening by reflecting back in their own words what you hear them saying. Having spent most of my professional career in the sales side of the business, I’ve had more than my share of strong personalities cross my path (You know who you are). Extroverts should consider doing the same. If so, I bet you are someone who gets results and goes the extra mile. Here’s help. By using our site you agree to our cookies and privacy policy along with those of our partners like Google Ads etc. I’ve used this affirm/reframe process literally hundreds (thousands?) I was wondering how we can give that to Susan without undermining your great leadership and undoing all your hard work?”. © 2020 LEADERSHIP LINK, INC.     PRIVACY POLICY    GOOGLE+ AUTHOR     SITE BY TRACKING WONDER. Here are five benefits: 1. Time to recharge and reflect. 2. For too long, society has tried to turn introverts into extroverts. The more follow-up questions you ask, the more you learn about people. Do it because it increases their follow through. In the past, extroverts have steamrolled over the introverts with charisma and back-slapping punchlines. Introverts will let others dominate a conversation so that they can avoid the conversational spotlight. When you give them respect and … 5. Follow their introverted lead, but be strategic about it. If you want to have a strong personality, express your opinions clearly and specifically while maintaining eye contact with other people to be more assertive. Strong personalities, especially in the sales side of your business, are critical to helping you reach your goals. Intentional Culture Creation for Senior Sales Leaders. See if you relate to my client’s situation: “The compliance people in my company said they couldn’t give me the waiver I needed to grow the business. She Chose Tattoos Over Traditional Success. of times and have found that when I’ve done it with a true, honest heart and a servant-like approach to leadership that it works for me most every time. You’ll completely undermine my authority with her and undo all the hard work I’ve put in teaching her how to sell!”. And then you have a frustrated tone. A strong woman instantly decides to cut off all contact with them and delete them from her life for good. Well…they were setting me up to do a bad job. For extroverts, their charisma and charm give them leverage in many different situations. It was such a “coincidence” that I knew some people that could help them with a project they were working on. Watch people. Shift from controlling to collaborative and get better results As a result, they will … Delve a little deeper. People ONLY listen to your information and requests once they feel comfortable and respected in the relationship with you. Now we all know that the strong personality, like any flawed human being, is not right all the time. – Sharon Melnick You think failure will be YOUR fault. Which level do you pay the most attention to? So you try to regain some control. 4. His response to you is, “Absolutely no way! I do mean by using the word flatter the very best dimensions of that term: to praise this person, to compliment them, even charm them. I don’t mean by it that you lie or make stuff up. Due to the bold exterior the strong personality publicly portrays, most people wrongly assume they don’t need to be praised. What are your best ways of having a strong personality without coming on too strong? ), Here are a few excerpts from our coaching session about it…. The driving force of the strong personality is this: they want to be heard. The Problem? So whenever I’m working with a strong personality, I always make it a point to praise them personally, even for silly things like the new sunglasses they just bought. Just use promo code SYOB99 to claim your offer. There is something to be said for being a wallflower. Prompt discussion from others. There’s no way I want you talking to Susan. So in between discussions, type a few thoughts into your phone before striking up the next one. A confidence concern gets activated. This is typically number one on their list. Plan ahead by thinking about what you wish to convey and how you want to convey it. Follow the lead of your introverted friends and have a solid plan. Bingo! Copyright © 2020 Entrepreneur Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Deliberately choose your moments to break away. (This is some of the wisest advice on how to shut down a narcissist, so make sure to memorize it). 2. How they feel in the relationship with you. The best follow-up questions have the word “why” in it. I thought long and hard about using the word flatter for this third secret, because it’s so easily misunderstood. ), You can download your copy of my free report Sleep Under Stress: 19 ways to Get to Sleep and Wake up Rested at, What Happens to the Body When There's a Long Break From Intercourse. And, because of the way they respond to feedback, it seems impossible to convince them otherwise. They are the hunters of our modern-day business world. I got frustrated and told them they needed to find a solution.” (Then my manager told me I needed to deal with the situation better! Say things with an intent to preserve other’s self-esteem and people will be motivated to do what you ask. They usually are very skilled at asking questions for this very reason. Surface-level conversations … When the Cat’s Away the Mice Will What??? Extroverts draw their energy by being in the presence of others. If you press for a decision, you’ll force the strong personality to react, and, being strong, they’ll react strongly. Your dedication to doing things right feels threatened. The more information you have, the easier it is to build a relationship. We all can learn something from each other. Master your interactions with them by utilizing these three secrets—affirm, reframe, and flatter—and you’ll reap rich rewards, both personally and professionally. Notice she changed her “story”: Client: “I now see that maybe it’s not that they are stupid, it’s just that they didn’t know how to do the ‘out of the box’ waiver I asked for.”, “Instead of controlling, I want to show up like a “pilot” who is in calm and in control of herself – then guide people through the stormy part of the skies…”. Jumpstart Your Business. Bonus points for actually rehearsing! You’re not the type of person who’ll do everything for a little attention. Introverts are not naturally inclined for chit-chat. That’s why introverts will purposefully seek out time to sneak away and be alone to recharge. No spam. Must have been kismet. Next time she gets frustrated because she sees people as ‘lazy’, she will instead ask structuring questions that help them tap their problem solving and bring others along to catch up to her thinking. Client: About me?? Coaching Experienced Leaders versus Coaching Emerging Leaders, Six Secrets to a Successful Skip Level Meeting, Selling Across the Chasm: Venture, Value, and Volume, The Secret to Sales Year Success: Quarterly Sprints, The Myth and Misfortunes of Heroic Sales Leadership, Three Powerful Sales Leader Resolutions for 2020, Say, “Screw you, I’m going to do it anyway!”, Back off and let Susan continue to struggle without extra help. You’ve put in an amazing amount of time working with Susan teaching her how to sell. When you ask, “why did you choose that direction?” or “why does that pique your interest? (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true); Sign up to now receive Bill Zipp’s free audio podcast, Five Essential Steps for an Effective Sales One-on-One. I got frustrated and told them they needed to find a solution.” (Then my manager told me I needed to deal with the situation better! There might be a lot of reasons that you can’t do something but there are more … Plan ahead, especially when it comes to giving presentations. As a leader it’s your job to stop this unproductive cycle by listening to the strong personality and affirming what they’re saying. Sad, but true. And keep asking the question until you reach a mutually agreeable answer. But when it’s time for you to speak, it’s critically important to frame your input in a certain way. Stay informed and join our daily newsletter now! The problem is that this behavior backfires on them, as other less dominant individuals withdraw in silence in the face of their verbal barrage. As discussed, most strong-minded employees are looking for respect. No more winging it. Now don’t press for a decision. Truly listening to this person, Secret One, will get you far in preparing them to explore another point of view. Here’s why this is needed. You’ll see mistakes that your brain didn’t register in the moment because it was too busy scrambling for what to say next. Not in a month or two, but later in the day or the next morning. Introverts are methodical and love to be prepared. 3. The clash between introverts and extroverts is ever prevalent. State factual observations of your employee’s actions. Me: When the lawyers said they couldn’t give you the waiver you needed to grow the business, what was your explanation of why they did that? Improve your skills of asking follow-up questions instead of jumping in with “Oh, yeah, me too!” statements.

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